Finite Friendship

I hope that you are not startled by the title of this post. Being back home for the holidays is always strange for me, especially as I get older. I've never been a big homebody, but then again, I don't think I have ever really been a big anywhere body, well other than camp... Nonetheless, I have been seeing friends from home and catching up, only to realize that I have missed out on so many things, because of my horrible ability to stay in touch. Hanging out for a few hours or just grabbing coffee for a short time doesn't cut it or change the fact that I am a terrible communicator. Just as I realize that I have missed out on doing life with friends that I adore back home, there is a whole other spectrum of people at school who I have for the most part ignored (or neglected) since coming home. And I cannot forget camp friends who get neglected much of the year.

Now see, these are not the type of relationships we are supposed to have; on again, off again, finite friendships that exist only when convenient. 1) Jesus did not tell us to love our neighbor only when we felt like it 2) If you want to have a friend, be a friend  3) Friendship is a commitment. 

What I am really trying to say is that over the past week, I have realized that I am not only a slacker in friendships, but I have been a sucky friend. I know it's true, so don't try to tell me otherwise, but friendship to me is something significant, something important. Obviously I know that I hold high standards for myself in everything I do, but I am not even reaching my low end standard, which isn't okay. So I'm going to be working on this. I have told a lot of people that I could exist well as a hermit and I very well believe I could, but I think that God created me to exist as very much the opposite, so it's about time I start following through on the whole friendship thing. I'm sorry if I have hurt you over the past few months or even past few years, because of my failure to communicate or share my life with you or share in your life. Friendship is about doing life together... and I have been horrible about this, so my plan is to change that.

It's going to take time. It'll be hard work. I think it's worth it, because the people who have stuck with me, despite my awful friend tendencies, are worth it. ABOVE AND BEYOND worth it.  

I don't want anymore of this short-term friendship, only when it's convenient frienship. I'm in for the real deal... even if it's hard. ESPECIALLY when it's hard.