Looking ahead.

Since I was about 6 years old, I have always wanted to be a missionary overseas. It wasn't until college that I actually went out of the country on a missions trip though (other than Canada). My life hasn't been the same since. Everything I do... my actions, my words, my thoughts, they have all changed, because I have seen a glimpse of what I long to do in the world. I long to be an agent of change, an agent of peace, and an agent of God's love, to the needy, the hopeless and the hurting. Even though I have always wanted to live in a grass hut, the idea has almost become idolized in my head. I wanted (want) something so different than everyone else around me and it sometimes makes me feel good to be so drastically different. But then I realized that I don't have to live in a grass hut (although that is still my dream house, for real) to make a difference. I don't have to act better, do things differently or pursue careers that I or others think could be useful. I should not simply pursue things just because I think God can use them (since He can and will use anything). I could have gone to nursing school. I could have gone the pre-med route. I could have gone the engineering route or the social work route. Believe me, I have considered every one of these options for hours/days/months. I could play this game all day. But I didn't go those routes and I am choosing not to play the coulda/shoulda/woulda game- though many days I am concerned that what I have learned and what I am continually learning will not be enough to make a difference.

                                                                                       but

In the midst of all of this confusion... Psalm 46 reads;

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, The holy dwelling places of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered; He raised His voice, the earth melted. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Come, behold the works of the Lord, who has wrought desolations in the earth. He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the boy and cuts the spear in two; he burns the chariots with fire. Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; the god of Jacob is our stronghold."  

Hah. It's like God is saying, what's your deal here? I am going to use you. Quit panicking. Quit being indecisive. Quit thinking that I cannot use you. Just stop. Look what I have already done. I'm going to do even better things. You can count on me. Always. I'm shaping you and forming you to be used as my tool, for MY Kingdom. For MY purposes.

AND IT'S THE SAME FOR YOU AS WELL. STOP STRIVING AND KNOW, HE IS GOD AND HE CAN HANDLE EVERYTHING BETTER THAN YOU CAN.

So next fall, for those of you who do not yet know, not only will I be a real person, as a graduate from college, but I will be going to Guatemala (Lord willing) to serve with Kids Alive International. I'll be in a place that I love, immersed in a culture that I love, learning a language that makes my heart happy, serving and loving those in the margins and all the while learning how to trust that God knows what is best - trusting that God is going to use me. I am a willing vessel... as broken and messed up as I am. I am willing. And lets face it. We all know that I would be absolutely no where without His stability in my life. I'd be an absolute disaster. Who knows if I will ever live in a grass hut. And even though that has always been the picture in my head of how I am going to serve God, I think he is trying to teach me that His plans are way better than my own. Whether or not that grass hut comes, I am ready. Like the prophet Isaiah, I say, "Here am I, send me."

Over the past week and the next few weeks, I have been/will be praying and fasting regarding what next year holds. If you would like to join me in these prayers or if you would like to know more about Guatemala,  please let me know. I love to talk about Guate. I also love to talk about what God is doing. so.... talk to me. OR if there is something you need a partner in prayer for, let me know that as well.

                                                     Buenas Noches